There’s been a lot going on in my life lately.
Most of it is from my creative work.
It’s like once things start moving, they really start moving. Since I’m in the early phase of turning my work into my career, it feels like a lull and then a great heave and another lull.
I decided to start submitting my stories to publications. I’ve had these stories in my back pocket for a few years now. I kind of gave up on submitting because it takes so much effort, but I’m in the gambling mood. Submit and wait six months to either be accepted or denied. The future of your work, your career, your life hangs in the balance of a publication. They decide if you have what it takes to be America’s Next Top American Author. I wanna strike big.
I’m at the point in my library resurgence where I’ve started looking at the book displays further and further past the kids section. Right now, I’ve been edging into the new fiction section. I keep seeing writers who have been shortlisted for this award or previous winners of another award. I think: I’d like to be something like that.
Obviously, the ultimate goal is to write a book, but I’d like to be considered for my work by someone who matters in the field. Which I think is a universal feeling no matter what the industry. Please acknowledge me so I’ll know I’m doing well, or that I belong, or that the feeling in my gut isn’t just gas.
So I started editing and submitting. The first story I submitted had a typo in the file name, and I didn’t notice it until hours after submitting it. I panicked. This was the first time I submitted anything in years, and I made such an obvious mistake. I asked for the opportunity to make edits and was able to, but this time I double-checked everything twice.
The next story I plan to submit still needs a lot of heavy lifting. I added one small thing at the beginning of the story that then changed the entire story (in a good way). Now I need to go through and make some substantial edits. But I think it’s making the story stronger. I’ve always liked this story, but now I feel like it has something to stand on in terms of context. But I believe the submission deadline is in three days, and I’ve been so busy juggling this event and my life.
I am so tired, but I haven’t felt this fulfilled in a long time. I’m getting to the point where I feel like people are starting to see me because the image I have for myself is finally starting to come through.
I checked out Cynthia Erivo’s autobiography and found it so easy to read. The writing is simple but profound. I decided she doesn’t sound like a writer. She sounds more like someone who just has a story to tell and is laying everything out in that manner. I think that is refreshing because it feels like a big reward for a little effort.
But she talks about being seen and how some people either get you or they don’t. And how that shouldn’t stop you. I know where she eventually ends up, but it’s almost like her whole life has been building to this great big moment where everything in her life changes and she starts living in her fullest truth.
That’s where I feel like I’m at. I’m in the “her whole life is building up to some great moment” phase.
I feel that deeply, especially now.
Leave a Reply